New Year, Same Dreams

January 11, 2019

Now that the New Year has begun, I am finally excited to see what 2019 has in store for me. To be honest, I have been kind of dreading all of the changes that the New Year may bring; I know that change = growth, and growth is not only necessary but also good.

The issue is growth is scary.  In 2019, I will complete my Specialist degree, apply to a doctoral program, and attempt my third round of IVF (all while working a full-time job and raising a high school senior). Each of these ambitions are very costly and extremely challenging. I also feel guilty that my own selfish dreams take away time, money, and resources from my family.

I am kicking off 2019 with IVF, and it is one of my resolutions to chronicle the entire process in real time by blogging every raw moment of our Hail Mary attempt to have a precious baby.

Everyone is so kind to compliment me and tell me how strong I am to be able to handle my infertility challenges, but most of my friends and family only see the pre-IVF and post-IVF side of me who relatively has it together; the mid-IVF Krystal is incredibly stressed, anxious, and emotional (which can’t solely be blamed on all of the hormones).

To be honest, I am not as optimistic as everyone thinks. I am 28 years old and have undergone two IVF cycles that have not been successful, and none of my doctors know why. My biggest fear is that this cycle will end just like the others (without a successful pregnancy and with no embryos to freeze). My fears are exhausting. I am trying to remain positive, but it is hard to stomach that the $23, 983 that it will cost for treatment for this cycle (+$6,000 in medications + $3,000 for travel) could be spent in vain.

Despite my endless woes, God never fails to show up and show out. I am witnessing the miracle of pregnancy and new life all around me. I believe that God is showing me to have faith and trust Him more now than ever.

Regardless of what the outcome of this cycle will be, I am just thankful that we have the opportunity to try again. God has opened up all of the doors to point us in the direction of Dr. Schoolcraft, and I know that if this is going to work, CCRM is our best shot.

My IVF calendar began on January 3rd. I have been eating healthy, working out, and I have not had coffee in over three months. Isaac & I are still taking the slew of supplements that are preparing us for this cycle. Tomorrow will be Cycle Day 10, and I will begin testing my urine every morning to capture my luteinizing hormone (LH) surge.  I will begin the priming phase of the cycle by taking Estrace (Estrodial) 2 mg two days after I have ovulated, and I will continue this dosage until Day 2 of my next cycle. Then, I will have an ultrasound/labs on Cycle Day 3 to determine if I will start the stimming meds on Cycle Day 4.

I ask for prayers as we continue this journey!

All of my best,

KA

 

 

3 thoughts on “New Year, Same Dreams

Add yours

  1. Praying for you ☺. Never give up! It’s hard and sometimes seems too much to handle but always keep your eye on the prize. I almost gave up at one point after years of frustrations and set backs but now I know it can work!! Send loads of positive vibes your way 😉 xx

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