My Thoughts About Infertility (So far…)

I have dreamed of being a mother since I was a little girl. As I grew into an adolescent, I had many conversations with my girlfriends about our plans, dreams, and expectations of motherhood. My biggest goals were to go to college, marry my high school sweetheart, rock my teaching career, and buy a house before I started a family. Being as headstrong and determined as I am, I worked hard and exceeded every single expectation I had for myself. After I married the love of my life, graduated college, landed my dream job, and bought a house, I assumed starting a family would come just as easily; but it hasn’t.

Infertility is especially painful to experience when all of your cohorts are birthing babies left-and-right. The extent of my infertility did not really hit me until one of my best friends had her tubes tied. I did not have the heart to tell her the amount of envy that I felt. Not only was she able to successfully get pregnant and carry two healthy babies to term, but she was choosing to potentially end her reproductive years before I could even begin mine. Although I was super supportive of her decision, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself.

Now that my 28th birthday is creeping up in a few weeks, all I can picture is my Clock-of-Chance ticking away. Isaac & I have decided to start saving for IVF again. Hopefully, we will be able to begin our third cycle this fall. After the heartbreak of the last cycle, I was not sure that I could handle another round. No one can ever understand how taxing the emotional, mental, and physical effects of IVF are unless they go through it themselves. All of our family and friends are incredibly supportive, and we will be forever grateful for their love!

Despite the million+ emotions we have experienced throughout this journey so far, God has more than exceeded our expectations. God’s timing truly is perfect. I am embarrassingly impatient, so I have to remind myself of that daily.

Although we have not had a successful IVF cycle (yet), our Little (17-year-old) Hayley would not be here if I wasn’t born with pathetic reproductive organs. God answered our prayer to become parents when He placed her in our lives. Somehow, God knows what we need even when we think we have all of our wants figured out. I am so incredibly thankful for the blessings of this struggle!

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